Post-AWOL
[ 6 Comments ] Posted by BakaElite on 12.19.07 in General Entries
So the semester is finally over, and I can at last procrastinate without feeling guilty. With no more papers to write or text chapters to outline, it feels quite liberating to have a few weeks to unwind and enjoy the holidays. With no academic obligations holding me back, I guess it’s due time I gave my poor site some attention.
A lot of things have happened, though when I think about it, the changes were all rather superficial. The things I really wanted to change remained pretty inert, which doesn’t sit well with me, seeing as the year is ending. I suppose there’s the redeeming power of new year resolutions, but I’ve decided to set some pretty realistic ones this time, and most of my resolutions are in regards to my character and habits. Thinking about how I handled my first semester as a college student, I was pretty pathetic and aside from the few moments of increased consciousness, I haven’t met personal expectations of growth.
Well, with December more than halfway done, there’s the new year to look forward to. Getting back to blogging (again! >__>), I realized that most of the other bloggers I read are predominantly female. Where are all the male bloggers out there? I know plenty of guys have blog sites, but most of them tend to be very specific–from tech geek to politico topics. They’re great and all, and I read plenty of them, but I find that there’s a lack of guys writing on personal topics. I suppose it has to do with the whole openness thing. Perspective posts and writing in general doesn’t seem to be a macho thing. In every writing class I’m in (not the required Composition courses, but actual Writing/Literature classes), females are the overwhelming majority. I don’t think it has to do with the male-to-female ratio, since in the hard sciences and mathematics, there are way more guys there. I suppose writing is just too soft? O_o?
Two out of three authors are female now, so I guess that extrapolates to the domain of online writers. Many of the personal domains seem to be operated by webmistresses, too. I’m not discounting women (in fact, I’m glad they’ve staked their voices as something prominent and worth listening to), but I’m rather discouraged that the general male population in this country feels being literary, and even being literate, is not worth it. To go from the great thinkers and writers of the Founding Fathers to the beer pong parties today, that seems to be a very steep degradation in just two and a half centuries.
Pressing Onward
[ 21 Comments ] Posted by BakaElite on 10.22.07 in General Entries
In a small struggle of emotional selfishness, I held back on updates to leave my dedication post for my grandfather. However, doing so would be failing to continue with the forward march that life leads us. And even if I remain in a stagnant position, I would be the only one suffering the consequences, as everything goes on without me. Living a dynamic life would be a greater honor to give to my grandaddy than a static fixation on the past, which I have no control over.
Coming back home was rather disappointing. All that greeted me were tons of schoolwork that piled up while I was gone. Three informal, but still tedious, reports are due Tuesday, along with a minor research paper, which equal a big pain in the rear section. The citation formats are already annoying on their own, which compounds with the difficulty of the subject matter. Critiquing philosophical essays regarding the nature of literature is difficult due to the content involved. Way too many convoluted theories from people who could not get a single thought across. And of course, the awesome student that I am, I’ve left it all to the last minute.
I’ve put it off as much as I can, spending the Saturday at a Don Moen concert. It was a wonderful experiences, and while he only had two backup singers, he had the entire audience as his choir. There’s something captivating about having hundreds of voices blend into this one powerful force that sort of stirs you up from the inside. Infrasound effects, perhaps? Anyhoo, the next day I was over my cousin’s house because her Dad wanted a tribute feast for gramps. Very Filipino to center it on food. As said by a speaker in Don Moen’s concert, we Filipinos are “always happy, always smiling, and always eating.” How true!
Anyways, Sunday was really nice with family around. While the adults gossiped, we played Guitar Hero (well, I watched while they played) and took pictures with Photo Booth. We also popped in Mr. Bean videos to pass the time until we has to go. I pretty much slept afterwards and got up to go to class today. My Writing Lab course is a total waste of time, but whatever. We’re usually out after thirty minutes so it’s only a slight inconvenience. I tried getting some of my work done in the library, but when you’re a professional procrastinator, it’s really difficult to focus. I surfed the web, read encyclopedias on every topic except what I was supposed to write on, browsed through magazines, and basically abandoned my papers.
It’s well into the afternoon and I have done completely nothing. I’ll wait a few more hours, until my body starts panicking and adrenaline kicks into overdrive. I decided I’ll go cold turkey on my slothfulness and quit lollygagging on school. After these papers, I should be caught up on my work and can take my classes more with better stride, providing a good base to start fresh.
In memoriam
[ 5 Comments ] Posted by BakaElite on 10.18.07 in General Entries
I just came back from Groton, Connecticut, where my paternal grandfather died and was laid to rest. It was really hard to take because he was just so strong. If he hadn’t had the stroke, he probably could have lived on for many more years. He had this vitality that made him seem ageless, and the word old is an ill description because he was a child at heart until the end. His life was his children and grandchildren, and he loved to keep us company. I consider myself extremely privileged to have been a part of his life.
Probably the best way to keep his memory alive is to enjoy life and to live it to the fullest, in the company of family and friends, which is probably what he wanted. He was never one to dwell on the sad things in life, so no matter how hard, I have to smile and be thankful. Blood of his blood, flesh of his flesh, life of his life… he’ll be in my heart always.
Deep thanks for the people who drove hundreds of miles to be with us on that day, those who took a break from their lives to pay their respects, and those who gave simple words of comfort and condolence.
To Grampa, you may not be able to read this anymore, but I know you understand:
I always felt like I cheated myself by not having spent as much time with you as I could, but the moments I did have with you are ones I wouldn’t trade for the world. You were the only one who traveled with me on my first plane ride to a new country and a new home. You were the one who always had time to be with me when everyone else was busy, like I was number one in your eyes, that everything I did, no matter how simple, seemed like the greatest things in the world. I only regret that I couldn’t reciprocate that same devotion to you as I distanced myself from those I used to hold dear.
We never talked much, but we smiled often, and those are much more precious to me than any word can describe. From goofing around the props in the mall to just walking in the streets, with a smile you made those times so amazing. That smile of yours made the bad things in life seem trivial, and I hope that I could learn to smile the same way.
I keep thinking on the “what-ifs” but you probably wouldn’t be happy with that. It’s just really hard to accept that you’re not here physically with us when you were so strong. Eighty-seven years old and you could probably take us all on without a sweat. It took a serious stroke to take you down, and despite the doctors saying you’d be gone in days, you fought to go on for four months, just to be able to give us time to say the things we needed to say and to bring us all together.
You’ve fought a good fight, and your rest is well deserved. There’s no more pain where you are now, so please watch over us, because the ones you’ve left behind are the ones that still have to continue living in this world, a world that rarely treats us kind. May we draw strength from your memory and have the courage to be like you.
I will never say goodbye because you’re never really gone. Part of you will always be with us. All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity.
I love you, always.
Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost!