In memoriam
Posted on 10.18.07 4:02PM under General Entries
I just came back from Groton, Connecticut, where my paternal grandfather died and was laid to rest. It was really hard to take because he was just so strong. If he hadn’t had the stroke, he probably could have lived on for many more years. He had this vitality that made him seem ageless, and the word old is an ill description because he was a child at heart until the end. His life was his children and grandchildren, and he loved to keep us company. I consider myself extremely privileged to have been a part of his life.
Probably the best way to keep his memory alive is to enjoy life and to live it to the fullest, in the company of family and friends, which is probably what he wanted. He was never one to dwell on the sad things in life, so no matter how hard, I have to smile and be thankful. Blood of his blood, flesh of his flesh, life of his life… he’ll be in my heart always.
Deep thanks for the people who drove hundreds of miles to be with us on that day, those who took a break from their lives to pay their respects, and those who gave simple words of comfort and condolence.
To Grampa, you may not be able to read this anymore, but I know you understand:
I always felt like I cheated myself by not having spent as much time with you as I could, but the moments I did have with you are ones I wouldn’t trade for the world. You were the only one who traveled with me on my first plane ride to a new country and a new home. You were the one who always had time to be with me when everyone else was busy, like I was number one in your eyes, that everything I did, no matter how simple, seemed like the greatest things in the world. I only regret that I couldn’t reciprocate that same devotion to you as I distanced myself from those I used to hold dear.
We never talked much, but we smiled often, and those are much more precious to me than any word can describe. From goofing around the props in the mall to just walking in the streets, with a smile you made those times so amazing. That smile of yours made the bad things in life seem trivial, and I hope that I could learn to smile the same way.
I keep thinking on the “what-ifs” but you probably wouldn’t be happy with that. It’s just really hard to accept that you’re not here physically with us when you were so strong. Eighty-seven years old and you could probably take us all on without a sweat. It took a serious stroke to take you down, and despite the doctors saying you’d be gone in days, you fought to go on for four months, just to be able to give us time to say the things we needed to say and to bring us all together.
You’ve fought a good fight, and your rest is well deserved. There’s no more pain where you are now, so please watch over us, because the ones you’ve left behind are the ones that still have to continue living in this world, a world that rarely treats us kind. May we draw strength from your memory and have the courage to be like you.
I will never say goodbye because you’re never really gone. Part of you will always be with us. All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity.
I love you, always.
Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost!
Posted by Marideth on 10.18.07 9:58 pm
Sometimes I forget that Grampa’s not really gone because I get caught up missing him so much. Your entry helped remind me that a part of him will always stay with us. It’s very comforting. =)
Posted by April on 10.19.07 6:14 pm
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather. It sounds like he was a very special man, not only to you, but to everyone in his life. I suppose you must simply think that it was his time to go, that he had lived his life to the max and God had decided it was time for his ‘reward’.
Posted by Joana on 10.19.07 6:26 pm
I too am sorry to hear about your loss. I felt the same way when my great grandmother passed away. She might have been nearing a 100 and using a walker, but she continued to rush around and was just so full of life that her sudden decline and death took us all by shock.
I’m sure your grandfather is able to see your message here and misses you just as much.
Posted by *chanel. on 10.22.07 11:06 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. When my aunt died, I knew it was best for her because she’s suffered enough in the last 10 years of her life. Hope you will find true peace soon.
Posted by Holly on 10.22.07 4:35 pm
I’m sorry about your grandfather